Love Abundantly

What does it mean to love abundantly?

There is the scripture which says that no greater love exists than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.  The single most extravagant act of love in all of time was the crucifixion.  God and man collided with sin and death.  Even to His last moments, bruised, bloodied and dying, Jesus chose to forgive.  He chose to love despite the pain, despite the thorns, despite the brokenness of His own spirit.

I have loved, in ways I thought extravagant.  Often with disastrous results.  No, I haven’t been nailed to a cross.  However, my heart, motives, actions and character have taken a beating.  I’ve bled over relationships broken beyond my ability to repair.  I’ve chosen to forgive.   I’ve also chosen to toughen up my defenses.  I’ve become far more selective on who, what, when, where and why I will lay down my life.  I found myself devoid of life to give.

But doesn’t loving abundantly mean exactly that? Abundance.  Not careful and selective choosing.  Not defensive protectiveness.  But loving despite the consequences or the messiness of the journey?

Hours before the hellish abuses of the crucifixion, Jesus prayed alone in the garden.  He prayed that it would all pass by Him, that He wouldn’t have to endure the horrific physical, emotional and spiritual pain.  Yet, He made a two part decision.  The first was to come to terms with the toll His love would demand.  The second was to see beyond the excruciating death to what lay beyond.

Hebrews 12:2 (ERV)   2 We must never stop looking to Jesus. He is the leader of our faith, and he is the one who makes our faith complete. He suffered death on a cross. But he accepted the shame of the cross as if it were nothing because of the joy he could see waiting for him. And now he is sitting at the right side of God’s throne.” (emphasis mine)  Jesus fully realized the pain He would endure.  He also accepted it ‘as if it were nothing’.

The cross of crucifixion-nothing!  Are you kidding?  He could accept it because the joy on the other side of the pain far overshadowed the hellishness He would endure.  The ends were so glorious, so beautiful, so joyful that the pain would become nothing.

To love abundantly is to come to terms with the fact that love will hurt.  It also means to recognize on the other side of that pain is something good IF we look to the One who makes us complete.

Less-more-abundantly is a journey.  One I am undertaking to understand how to love abundantly through the pain to get to the other side.

There is a song which asks all the questions I do when it comes to love.  It gives no easy answers, however, it points the way.  There is only one way to love abundantly, and that is with arms wide open, my heart exposed.  This blog is one way I am opening my arms.  Will you open yours?

Eat Less

There is one sure fire way to lose weight.  Eat less and move more.  Simple, huh?  Not so much.

As “Eat Less” is one of the three pillars of this online journey, I am making a broader commitment to health and wellness.  I already know what I SHOULD do.  I could give you a laundry list of what I SHOULDN’T eat.  I can also identify a gazillion ways to move more.

However, all of it doesn’t amount to a hill of Pringles if I don’t do put the knowledge into practice.  If I don’t confront all the ways I don’t eat less.

One thing I know about human behavior.  We only do what works for us.  In some ways, even our most self destructive behaviors give us some sort of payoff.

An addict is an addict because the drugs keep them from feeling pain.  A codependent is tied to people in unhealthy ways because she is afraid to be independent.  And I am an addict with serious codependency issues.  For this entry we will go with dysfunction #1=food addict.

My drug of choice? Food.  I get my fix everyday.  I eat to medicate happiness, sadness and to pass the time.  Food isn’t my friend, it’s my own personal brand of heroine.  For some it’s a particular food like chocolate or sweets.  Nope.  I can gorge on steamed edamame as easily as I can on doritos.  Often I don’t realize I had a binge until later.  I’ll ‘wake up’ hours later, bloated and wondering what I was thinking.  The truth? I wasn’t thinking.  I was eating.

Then there is the coke.  I love Coca Cola.  I truly do.  It’s like battery acid to your body, but I love it.

So, the question becomes, how will I fulfill this journey to “Eat Less”?

It starts by writing more.  By sharing with you ‘the real thing’ (coke pun intended).  It starts with acknowledging what I have joked about for far too long.

I am a food addict.

They say one cannot change what one fails to recognize.  I recognize it.  Over the course of this year long journey to eat less/pray more/love abundantly I will change.

Pray More

Eat less.  Pray more.  Love abundantly.

So what does it mean to pray more?  Is it quantity or quality?  Is it conversation or convention?

I was raised Catholic.  Praying was highly structured and often involved a rosary and only occurred during Mass.

In college I experimented.   Most kids try sex, drugs and rock n’ roll.  Me?  I tried Jesus.  I joined the most charismatic of charismatic, Protestant, college house church.  Prayer was a sport, often with full contact, oil and yelling.

Now we are Methodist, sorta.

One of the core tenets of this journey is to pray more.  What does that really mean?

Should I rise before the sun (and my children) and pray quietly on the carpet before the birds sing?

Should I sleep with my bible in hand?

Or should I pray in the middle of the everyday grind?  Recently, I was struggling with thoughts of rejection from a friendship gone wrong.  I was cleaning a fixture at work and literally said aloud, “I evict you!”.  A customer looked at me and ran to the register.  This level of ‘more’ could be a little too much.

I have been praying more.  However, lately it’s a pleading, cajoling, complaining and, frankly, bitching.  I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.  And sometimes in prayer how I really feel, the unvarnished, uncensored, and the very unreligious me comes out.

So I have decided to take a slightly blended tactic.  Structure plus substance.

First, the structure.  There are two prayer books I have highlighted, underlined and sticky-noted.  They are full of scriptures.  I figure if I agree with what God already says, then He will agree with me on the expected outcomes.

"The Word Works" by Shirley Greenslade published by Agape' Word and Worship Center. "Prayers that Rout Demons & Break Curses" by John Eckhart. Post Its by Post Its.

Second, substance.  Psalm 51:17 says, “My sacrifice, indeed the acceptable sacrifice, to God is a broken spirit; a broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.”  The Amplified defines a contrite heart as one broken down with sorrow for sin and humbly and thoroughly penitent.  My brokenness, when offered honestly and unvarnished in prayer, is a sacrifice God cannot deny.

Third, I have been sacrificing more time.  Been trying to put prayer first, before anything else.  It’s a discipline I have coveted in other people, and have yet to cultivate as much as I would like in my own life.

Finally, part of praying paradoxically also means praying less.  Praying less for myself and more for others.  Today I prayed for two of my friends.  I put them before me.  In the midst of my brokenness I turned my vision towards Heaven for someone else.  It was refreshing and empowering.

Less More Abundantly

Less-More-Abundantly is a year long journey I am taking.  Inspired by two books, Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert and One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp, I will endeavor to do three things: 1.  Eat less,  2. Pray more, 3. Love abundantly.

Gilbert, in “Eat, Pray, Love” shares her journey across the world to find herself.  She eats, prays and loves her way to wholeness of identity.  I am going to do the same, though I probably will never leave the comfort of my own livingroom.

Voskamp, in “A Thousand Gifts” is a dare to live fully right where you are.  I take up the challenge.

Less More Abundantly will explore my journey and invite you to take it with me.  Or at least stand on the sidelines, cheer and pass me a cup of water as I pass by.

In “Eat, Pray, Love” Gilbert writes, “I am alone, I am all alone, I am completely alone.  Grasping this reality, I let go of my bag, drop to my knees and press my forehead against the floor. There, I offer up to the universe a fervent prayer of thanks.  First in English.  Then in Italian.  And then—just to get the point across—in Sanskrit.  And since I am already down there in supplication on the floor, let me hold that position as I reach back in time… to the moment when this entire story began—a moment which also found me in this exact same posture: on my knees, on a floor, praying.”

My moment begins now.  I too, offer up a prayer of thankfulness for beginnings full of promise.  I take up the dare to live fully in this moment, whether alone or in a crowd.

Thank you for taking the journey with me.