“I was praying about you and the awful situations you are going through,” she said sincerely, leaning over to grasp my hand, “With this level of spiritual warfare, you must have a great destiny in the Lord!”
I wanted to say, “If this is a war I am losing. I would trade destiny and everything else to have a husband not die, to be able to walk, to have children free from fear and anxiety and to live anywhere but here.”
“Thank you for praying. I appreciate it,” I said and then walked away. I wish I could have as easily distanced from the fury her comment inspired.
So all of this is supposed to be about my destiny?!?!?! It’s supposed to be preparing me for some great work for the “Lawd”? Burying my parents, crippling poverty, nearly losing my husband and parenting kids who watched their Pappy die are all part of a plan to prosper ME? If it is-count me out!!!!
My friend recently preached a sermon called, “It’s All About Me” and it’s really messing me up.
Messing me up by challenging the comfortable martyr status I’ve settled into.
Messing me up by ripping the band aid covering an ancient wound of mistrusting God and His promises.
Messing me up by reminding me it was His people who used and abused me in His name-it wasn’t Him.
Messing me up by raising the level of accountability to life and death levels.
Messing me up by taking scripture and applying it to the reality of what it means to “take up our cross” daily.
Messing me up by taking me out of the equation and making it about something so divine, so deep and so loving it will take me a lifetime to fully experience it.
If you have time today, will you listen to her sermon? She will HATE that I am sharing it with you, she doesn’t know how much her life, her witness and her heart mess me up. It’s one of her best character traits.
Listen then please share if it messed you up.
To quote lyrics from the musical RENT, “I’ve got baggage. I’m looking for baggage that goes with mine.”
Bring yours in for a bit. Let’s set it on the side of the “It’s All About Me Highway” and journey forward, eyes on the horizon rather than ourselves.