When Mother Mode Isn’t Enough
On a break from holiday decorating, I clicked on news headlines. In Connecticut children died this morning in their classroom. A mother was shot as was her son, the shooter. An Administrator was gunned down while giving announcements. In a school. On a Friday. 11 days before Christmas.
Between tears all I could breathe was, “Dear Jesus help them.”
My last post was called Mother Mode . It dealt with being able to jump in, save the day and overcome all sorts of adversity. A tragedy such as what is unfolding before us in CT can never be overcome. Mother Mode and the highest safety standards for public schools wasn’t enough.
Sometimes in the face of inexplicable evil we are not enough. It’s a fact we seldom consider and never discuss. This frailty of our human condition. This life which is governed by autonomic responses (read: automatic with no real explanation why) to even breathe. This fleeting existence which, in the span of time to pull a trigger, can be ended.
It should humble us and cause us to recognize our need for a supernatural outpouring. For the families and community in CT an outpouring of grace, strength and peace. For those seeking answers and justice an outpouring of wisdom. For us an outpouring for loving abundantly in every precious moment those we love and who have been given to us to love.
Though I am hundreds of miles away, I want to jump in my car and speed to my little Christian school in the field. I want to embrace my sons and fold them into myself so that nothing and no one could ever harm them. I can’t.
Instead, I’ll pray for a supernatural outpouring. I’ll pray to be more the mother I was created to be and less the mother I think I should be. I’ll pray they get to live a long and messy and happy life full of adventures. I’ll pray to set aside the ‘shoulds’ and ‘musts’ and make time to play. I’ll pray for the other mothers, who will not get to rush to the bus and hug their babies as I will today.
When Mother Mode isn’t enough. God has to be. He simply does.
Kim, you have touched on the biggest fear of moms everywhere. I have a little ritual that I did to my children as they walked out the door every morning. I would hold my hands a inch away from their bodies and run my hands from the top of their heads down to their feet, with a playful glint in my eye for their benefit and a warrior mentality toward my Lord, I would say “You are covered with protection from illness, injury, and insult.” They would bounce away happy as larks and I would send my connection heavenward with a “You got it, right?” As parents we are so limited in what we can do to protect them and the most effective thing we can do is sometimes the hardest: give them over into His hands. As my kids grew older, the ritual faded to a peck on the cheek as they rushed out the door, but the prayer was always on my lips as they walked away from me. After years and years of this prayer, one day I said, “Lord, keep them safe from ill…” I felt His sweet interruption and a tender voice that whispered, “Yeah, I’ve got them.” He is the keeper, sustainer, protector, father, husband, and friend for us and I could have never survived this far without him.
Thank you LaDonna. Well said and I am so thankful you are sharing your journey. So proud to be your Blue Sister.