Four years ago I started a one year blog-self development-writing project.  The premise was simple, “Eat Less.  Pray More. Love Abundantly.”  I thought to chronicle my journey as I sought to do those things.  The journey became so much more complicated.

I took a year off for an unintentional soul sabbatical where the only goal was to get through every day whole.  In an effort to rebuild some waste places, I joined a “Rooted” bible study.  The last session asked for the things which were most impactful.  I’d like to share them with you.

I’m afraid You won’t show up…and I’m afraid You will.

I’m afraid God won’t show up and yet I’m afraid He will.  I want to live a life soaked in His character and showing His love.  I also want to do what I want to when I want to do it.

I’m also afraid you won’t read.  And I’m afraid you will.  If you don’t, well, then this isn’t very fun.  If you do, then I have an obligation to give you the best of myself and of the words only I can write.

Double-fisted faith-I believe even if You don’t deliver me.

My job in this “Pray More” journey is to believe no matter the outcome.  In any relationship, even Divine ones, you are in or you are out.  I don’t drop my kids by the side of the road because they didn’t do as I asked (that one time was only to prove a point…kidding…).  Real relationship walks through with intention no matter what the outcome.  My husband had to endure abdominal surgery and months of hospitalization despite the fervent prayers for healing.  Yet today, as I see him toss baseballs with my boys in the back yard, I marvel at his complete healing.  My dad died from a long battle of cancer.  My son asked why God didn’t heal him.  I answered, there is a time for everything, even death and we trust God knows best because He loves us.   Double-fisted faith isn’t easy, ever but it’s the only kind I have.

Prayer doesn’t have to be spoken.  We don’t simply attend church-we belong.

Ask yourself these questions.  Is there a day you go without breathing or eating (and I don’t mean not eating so you’ll magically fit into that dress)?  Is there a day you go without thinking?   Each day we use our bodies and our minds.

We are made in the image of God.  He is three in one and so are we.  We are a physical body with a mind which controls our thoughts, will and emotions.  And we are spirit.  Now ask, is there a day that goes by with no thoughts to God or prayer?  No.  Spiritual practices and disciplines are important.  What’s more powerful is a life which is a prayer. 

And this prayer-full life is lived in community.  Church isn’t a building, it’s the family of believers living life together.  Over a Google hangout we had church every Thursday night.  There were times when words couldn’t be spoken and the quiet was pregnant with powerful possibility cloaked in peace.

My purpose is rooted in how I see myself.

I’m adjusting my internal mirror to see my purpose.  It is inextricably linked to writing.  And this blog is what I write.  Thank you for sticking with me.

Let’s see where this journey will take us now.